Snip
A year ago yesterday, the chickens did this to their heads. Yesterday, I discovered this. Coincidence? I think not. From now on, Sept. 1 shall be National Scissors-In-The-Closet Day.
Last Week's Pop Quiz
(answers below) 1. If you take the waffle iron out of the cupboard on a Saturday morning, open it up and discover an old petrified waffle inside, is it misguided to immediately turn an accusatory eye to the only man who lives in the house? 2. Should an (almost) 40-year-old woman really be expected to…
Family Vacation
Scenes from our camping vacation to the Redwoods, also the celebration of our ten-year wedding anniversary. — (As we greet a blackberry bramble enveloped in fog and mislabeled by California State Parks as our campsite) Me: Honey! It’s where I always dreamed we’d awake on our ten-year anniversary! — Chicken Noodle: I am afraid all…
Chapter 59, In Which My Family Legacy of Tree Hugging Veers Off the Tracks
Chicken Little on camping: “Mom, do you think nature is beautiful?” “Yes. I think nature is very beautiful.” “Well, nature is not beautiful to me. Stupid trees.”
It Was Fun While It Lasted
Chicken Noodle’s obsession with death continues. Here are some of the latest utterances from my five-year-old Mistress of Doom. On the couch, cuddling Chicken Noodle: Mom, I don’t want to grow up. Me: I know, baby. But you know what’s the best part? CN: I am going to get old and die? Me: Umm, no,…
Tempting
My mother ran away today She walked right out the door, Packed her tooth brush and pajamas Said, “I can’t take any more.” She said that she was tired, She said she had her fill Of cooking our meals, washing our clothes And cleaning up all our spills. She said she’d write us letters With…
5 a.m. Returns
Chicken Little typically appears at my bedside between 5 and 5:30 a.m. “Mommy!” she says exuberantly, as if she herself has already had several cups of coffee and can’t understand my languor. “Is it wake-up time?” I always have a hard time answering this question. Primarily, because I am in a coma. But also because…
Super Moms, Unite!
Happy Mother”s Day to all you super mamas! This card came from my own superhero mother. She”s awesome. Since Captain Daddy is working today, I”ll be performing all stunts myself. Now–faster than two small children high on maple syrup! More powerful than a mile-high pile of useless plastic toys! Able to tranform a disaster area into…
How's Saturday Night, Tom?
When I was a kid, I thought that all of the bands were actually at the radio station, playing live music that was then somehow funneled into our living room hi-fi. It seemed rather complicated—difficult logistically. I couldn’t quite figure out how they switched to a new band between songs so quickly. Multiple studios? And…
Snakes Are For Girls
Last weekend I encountered a mom who was having a bad day at the festival. We were in line for face painting, and her daughter wanted to be a tiger. She was fretting. “I’ve been trying to talk her out of it for the last half-hour,” she confided. “I said, wouldn’t you rather be a…