Helpful Hints for Housewives!

housewivesI came across this little gem lately. Helfpul Hints for Housewives! A Treasury of Tips for the Model Homemaker.

It’s full of all kinds of useful information, from “Even dishwashing needn’t be dull!” to “Kitchen Economics” to “Wine is Fun!” (I already noticed that).

My favorite page so far:


What kind of a husband have YOU?

Read his character here

Is he eager to get ahead?   Y  N

Does he think faster than others?  Y  N

Does he find it hard to get the day’s problems out of his mind at night?   Y  N

Is he continually dissatisfied with himself?   Y  N

Is he a light sleeper?   Y  N

Does he like to be on the go?   Y  N

If the answers to most of these questions are “no” you are married to a calm, reserved rather phlegmatic person. If most of your answers are “yes” your husband is the energetic, “race-horse” type. Like the race-horse he is quick, high-strung, eager to win. Like the race-horse he is excitable, nervous, sensitive. One thing may stand in the way of his success–his nerves.


Hmm. Identifying my own husband’s character was easy. Had there been a “hell yes” answer category, Captain Daddy would’ve aced it.

Incidentally, the book doesn’t say, after you’ve been enlightened about the man you married, what exactly you are supposed to do with this information.

Perhaps I should send my little racehorse off to the races, where he can win us some big bucks with his quick, high-strung nature and eagerness to win.

I’d miss him, though, and his energetic fast thinking and sleepless nights.

Ladies? Advice?



I Don’t Know Either

dontknowChicken Noodle has a musical soul and a wicked sense of humor, which means it’s comedic show tunes around here pretty regularly.

She’s writing her own songs now, which are delivered at full volume in the living room, often with the advantage of the karaoke machine microphone.

Here’s the latest installment in her Broadway-ready repertoire.

It’s titled “I Don’t Know” (“by You Know Who,” she wrote).

You’ll have to just imagine the tune: dramatic, full of tension and emotion.  


I don’t know whether the ocean is flowing right or left

I don’t know where the birds are chirping now,

Maybe in the treetops, high above the ground

I don’t know where the fire chief is turning red, as red as a red thing

A very, very red thing!

I don’t know why you really care about what you care about

I don’t know why you really care about what you care about


And before!


For some reason, I feel as if these lyrics were inspired by conversations between Captain Daddy and me. But that might be paranoid.

This is not Noodle’s first foray into song writing, incidentally. See Number Two for a hilarious lyrical romp of three years ago.

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